It’s been months.
It’s getting better.
Just a bit.
I haven’t had a panic attack in a week.
I haven’t tried to channel aether while in a “moment” in even more time.
I’m still scared of myself.
I still have a hard time leaving my room.
But I need to leave.
Sol, Vei, I need to leave.
I’m dying here.
I’m killing everyone I love too.
I can’t be with Myr anymore. He tries, but I can barely stand the sight of him.
I can barely stand the sight of anybody I know.
Because they know.
They look at me with pity.
Poor Eluned, she’s been through so much.
Poor Eluned, she’s so broken.
I am.
I am.
But I don’t want those stares.
I can’t stand them.
I need to leave.
I need….
I need to start again.
Somewhere new.
With someone new.
Someone who won’t know me.
Someone who won’t look at me with pity.
Someone who won’t expect anything from me.
A place where I can do something good with what life I have left.
If I don’t, I’m truly dead.
I love you, Solnari.
I love you, Veizinne, too.
I promise, I will call often.
I promise, you will always know where I am.
I’m not disappearing.
But let me go.
Let me try.
I need to leave.
I need to leave.
And I’ll go………
……… north.
Misty 