Last chapter, Yi Jeong’s POV, this time.
I’m resting, arms comfortably folded under my head, unable to wipe a slight grin off my face. The room is so warm I don’t feel the need for blankets and I know that the sight of my naked body embarasses Ga Eul so I don’t even bother covering up.
Every now and then I cast a glance on the girl on my side, but she’s turned on the other side, showing me only her back. She sneaked under the dark blue silk sheet some time ago, pulling it to her chin, never saying a word, since the moment I rolled off her. She never tried to get up either, maybe she knows I wouldn’t allow it. I like where she is right now, in my bed, under my sheets, naked and ready for round two. Very soon.
Stifling a satisfied moan, I turn to the side, to look at her. The sheet is all over her, but I can still see her shoulders and a small portion of her back. Imagining the rest is enough to arouse me again, and I’m surprised by the force of my desire for her. Now that I know what it feels to be with her, I want it again.
I’m satisfied, but not yet sated and I probably won’t be for a long time. I didn’t know how true I was when I told her that I wasn’t planning of letting her go anytime soon.
“Was it really that bad?” I ask Ga Eul, trying to break the silence, a hint of derision in my voice. I know it wasn’t, the scratches on my back confirms it. She liked it and she liked it very much.
But she doesn’t answer.
I know she’s not sleeping and I brush her shoulders, with still no reaction on her side. When I try to make her turn towards me, she shakes her back pushing my hand off and confirming she’s fully awake.
“Aren’t you tired of resisting Ga Eul yang? Just turn around and look at me. You know you will.” I didn’t mean to sound threatening, but I’m annoyed by her stubborness. Didn’t I already proved to her she can’t win against me? She should just give in and accept it.
Slowly, with a very low rattle of pain, Ga Eul turns around and I can finally see her again. Her face is stained with tears I remember from earlier: after all it was her first time, and I wasn’t exactly gentle to her.
It must have hurt. Oh well, she asked for it, she shouldn’t have resisted so much. The thing I’m sure of, is that the only reason she cried was from the physical pain, she’s too stubborn and strong to cry out of humiliation. It’s what I like in her, she’s all fire. Even now.
“Is this what you do then?” she asks me with a husky voice. Her eyes are cold, her hands pressed on the sheets, keeping them under her chin. Like it could stop me when I decide to push them out of the way.
“When you can’t have what you want, you just take it?”
She pauses and her eyes fills with disgust. “What a great man you are, So Yi Jeong.” she spits out.
I narrow my eyes feeling the anger rising again. It’s amazing how fast she can get me angry. Why can’t she just beg me to let her go, like a normal girl would? I wouldn’t, of course, but it would be satisfying. “You’re not tamed yet, are you? Didn’t I already show you what you get when you insult me?”
She bitterly laughs. “Yes, you did… oh you did. Maybe I should be impressed then. Or scared?”
She rises up still keeping the sheets firmly against her but her eyes never leaves me. Those beautiful, wide eyes. “I’ll show you how much you frightened me.”
A loud snap is the next sound in the room, followed by the sudden creak of the bed, when I roll over her, pinning her to the bed. I can’t believe she just slapped me with all her strenght.
“Tame me?” Ga Eul laughs again, and like previously she doesn’t look the least scared. Damn, what do I have to do to make her give up?
“Dream again, So Yi Jeong. You can force yourself on me, you can use your strenght, but you can’t make me bow down. Do you want to know why?”
I can’t make you, eh? Really? I’ll correct that assumption pretty soon, stubborn country bumpkin. You’ll regret slapping me. I told you to not try to, didn’t I?
“It’s because you’re empty inside. You want to be like that, you’re doing your best to erase everything that ever made you special. And an empty person won’t ever win anything.”
I don’t reply, just holding her wrists with bruising force. I know it hurts, but she refuses to show her pain.
Damn, this time I’ll really make her scream.
“You were a talented potter.” Ga Eul keeps on, a clear challenge in her glare, her eyes fixed in mine. “Now what are you? You claim you can’t use your hand anymore, but it seems to me you’re using it pretty well now to hurt me. You’re just a coward, a poor little kid who will never have the strenght to face his own life. You prefer to drift, it’s easier. And do you think that someone like you, with that weak willpower, can tame me? Never.”
That’s it. Now whatever I do to her will be justified. How dare she call me a coward, again? And nobody is allowed to talk to me about pottery. That part of my life is behind me now, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m broken and I will always be, there’s nothing to do about it.
I abruptly let go of her to go cup her face and grab her neck like I’m going to strangle her. God knows I want to.
“You’re really crossing the line this time.” I tell her, low and threatening. “Seems like you didn’t learn your lesson yet. I can always repeat it, for as long as it will take for you to remember what your place is.”
“In hell with you? That’s what you want, isn’t it?” she replies, that impossible look on her face again. She really wants to die, doesn’t she?
“Forget about it, sunbae. You can humiliate me, but you can’t break me. I’ll make you regret it, if you try again. And if you want to ruin your life, do it alone, because I won’t keep you company in your personal little hell.”
“Let’s see about that.”
I don’t know if I’m replying to her threat or to her belief that I can’t bring her rot in hell with me. This time I will really rip her white angel wings off. This time there will be no mercy, no amount of begging will stop me.
I bend down to kiss her, to force her mouth to open and taste her once again and when my tongue meets hers, I rip the sheets off her body and she’s naked underneath me again. I never used such violence, but she deserves it all when I use my knees to force her legs to open, when I thrust in her with all my strenght.
She cries in my mouth, wildly trying to break free, but it’s useless. She’s mine and she knows it. I will break her, even if it’s the last thing I do.
And then something changes.
I feel it, when she stops tossing and turning and just lifts her hands to cup my face. Her lips softens against mine and the shock is so great that I stop kissing her. I raise my gaze to meet her eyes, and those dark orbs are glowing now but not in fury anymore. I’m still deep in her body, but I’m not moving, unsure of what is happening. Did she finally give in?
Then her hands force my head to bend once more and she slightly rises up to meet my lips with hers. It’s slow and her mouth caresses mine like she’s tasting me, like it’s the first time she kisses me. I feel her lingering on me, then leaving my lips to place light kisses all over my cheeks, my chin. When she lowers to go on my neck, I find I’m unable to stop her, and I just close my eyes, feeling her feathery and shy touch when she reaches my collarbone.
“What are you doing?” I ask her, my voice so husky that I barely recognize it.
Ga Eul doesn’t answer me, but she raises up again, and her lips go back to mine, this time more demanding. I open my mouth and she slips her tongue in. This is nothing I experienced before. This is paradise. She’s kissing me on her own will, tasting me, exploring me, and she’s more than I ever imagined.
Her touch on my face, her mouth melted with mine, she makes me feel like I’m something precious and delicate and not the man that just forced himself on her with such violence.
I can’t take it anymore, and I start moving inside of her. Her slender legs lace up on my waist and I feel her heat up under me, while her hands leave my face and travel down to my back, until they reach my hips. Her legs, her hands and her mouth. I’m trapped. But it’s the best slavery I ever imagined.
What do you want Ga Eul yang? You’re holding me as if you want me to stay forever like we are now.
Her lips leave mine and she arches against me, her hands on my hips, her body moving with mine, like we’re dancing.
When I hear her moan, I almost loose control, and I chain my eyes with hers, still glowing of desire and… something I recognize only now, when it’s too late.
She’s looking at me with love.
No woman ever looked at me like that, no woman ever made me feel like I’m feeling now. In her arms, in her embrace, I’m experiencing something totally new and heart-warming, for the first time I’m making love with someone. For the first time I’m feeling really loved and cherished.
She clings on me, still looking in my eyes, and I feel something changing in me too, because now I don’t want to hurt her anymore, I want her to feel treasured and loved and cared for like the jewel she is. My crystal and steel jewel.
My heart is aching so much I want to cry because the feeling of being loved is painful and so overwhelming I can’t bear it.
And when she pushes me over the edge with her last loud cry of pleasure, I stay inside her for as long as I can, her arms around me, like she never wants to let me go.
Sometime later, Ga Eul slightly moves and I roll off her, but she still doesn’t let me go. I lay my head on her neck, breathing the cherry perfume of her hair and I hug her keeping her close to me.
When I feel her moving again I close my eyes, and then her lips are on mine, a light caress that melts into a whisper.
“I love you.” she tells me and I open my eyes, looking at her with a frightened glance. I never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I don’t know what to answer, because my heart now is so full of her, of us, that it’s strangling me, preventing me to speak. And when I see her tenderly smile and brushing my hair, I know it’s over.
I lay down on her again, and I fall asleep, in her arms.
It’s almost been two months since that night.
When I woke up, she was gone, with nothing left but a note. “I’ll never forget.”
She never told anyone about what happened, not Jan Di, not my friends, but I never saw her again, even though I catch a glimpse of her every now and then.
She looks fine, her head still high, her spine straight, that proud look in her eyes.
On the other hand, I’m not fine. I never understood what she did to me, until I tried to bring another woman in my bed, only to reject her even before undressing her.
Because she wasn’t looking at me like Ga Eul yang did.
That’s when I got it.
It was her revenge on me, it was her way of making me regret what I was doing to her.
I wanted to make her see hell, but she made me see paradise instead, she made me touch it, only to throw me down again, alone.
I wanted to hear her cry and beg me, and she gifted me an illusion instead, an illusion of a world where I was loved.
I never spoke to her again, I never tried to ask her forgiveness, because I know it would be useless. She already told me. She will never forget.
I will never either.
I’m damned, cursed forever, by a pair of eyes that looked at me with love for the first time in my stupid, wasted life.
I forced myself on Ga Eul yang, I tried to rip her wings off.
She forced herself in my heart and flied me to heaven with her, holding me tight and letting me fall afterwards.
I thought she was playing with fire with me, always hopping in and out my life with her cheerful smile I hated so much, I thought she was going to burn herself on my cold heart. I wanted her to burn with me, I wanted her to be miserable, like I am.
But I was the one playing with fire, because she was the fire.
I was the one who got burnt in the end.
And I know it’s a scar that will never fade.