So let’s make it clear. This will be a ranting post, so if you’re not into it, that’s the X, top right of the page.
Sometimes you just look at the day you lived and think “That was really crap”. I was tired today, I couldn’t really do anything and I was unwell on top of that. I even slept two hours in the afternoon because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I mean, wtf? And I swear I could have kept on sleeping till tomorrow morning. Hell, maybe it would have been better.
Then there was this awesome evening in which I :
a) argued with my husband over some worthless thing. And then expanded it to more worthless things and argued more. Ended up not speaking with him for the whole evening.
b) let down a friend because I couldn’t talk to him. He needed me on TS but I had the tv running just behind my head, and loud. A big headache was coming up (still is) and tbh I wasn’t sure I would have got even 1 word of what he was going to tell me. Which is sad. I felt worthless and frustrated.
c) logged in Aion throughout the day and ended up doing something only in the evening and only because I forced myself to. And I screwed it all at the end of the instance. Which is stupid and made me angry.
So to sum it up, I feel depressed, angry and sad. I feel like I wasted a whole day. And I’m not even sleepy now, so I can’t go to bed.
I hate arguing and even more when it’s for all the wrong reasons, I hate letting down someone I care about and I hate the feeling of wasting time and money for something that I don’t even know if it interests me anymore. I mean, what did I do last week in Aion? Ohhhh, crafted. And morphed. And crafted. And morphed. And logged in late, so no party and I was there in TS listening to my legionmates doing BT and Eso and sieges/pvp and all that crap, without me. No Mentors quests either and before I was all crazy about it. I just went to party when I was asked to by the legion and only because they really needed me to get going and I ignored all the external people that whispered me asking for party. I couldn’t really be bothered to go and be yelled at if something went wrong, no thank you. It even happened that I logged in, said “hi” and logged out. I mean, wtf? (take 2-the revenge). It just feels like it’s useless, all my goals, all the things I wanted to do, so far in the future that I’m starting not to be interested in them anymore. It takes too much time and too much effort and if this evening is an example, then I’m not in the right mindset to spend any more time on it.
Maybe I should just quit again and leave the mmo world for good.
And no, I don’t feel better now that I let it all out. At all.